Dan Black's Theories

Mr Jamarl, what have you been up to?

Dan Black — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 19:13:00 GMT

So there was Dan Black choosing his latest Cheval down at the farm, as he walked through the gate someone was staring at him....

Affleck, proud sponsors of smiffys.com!

What a lovely surprise!!

Dan Black — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 14:11:00 GMT

So there was Dan Black developing his wedding disposable cameras and wait, hold on a god damn second what is this that Boots have given me?.......

Back in the day farming it out at the Barn, love it absolute magic this lot!

So here is a call to all gnarlyboarders, to send in, upload or do whatever it takes to ge the old classic evidence of the gnarlyboarders out there.

Farm on.

Black

Festive Greetings

Dan Black — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 18:23:00 GMT

Happy Christmas to all gnarlyboarders wherever you might be during this festive season. May 2009 bring you lots of gnarliness and more time in the mountains than before. Lets keep it super-gnarly and farm it right out, all powered by home grown organic vegetables hey Sloth. 10-4

King and Bob get Hitched!

Dan Black — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 13:44:00 GMT

So there it is, King and Bob tie the knot so in celebration here's a little something for you:

[Go to the site to view embedded media]

Now we're farming!!

King's gonna get it!!

Dan Black — Thu, 08 May 2008 02:34:00 GMT

Get what I hear you ask? Well not too sure on that one yet. I have just now, right now and now now been considering and contemplating what the next 112hours will hold for our beloved King. Having spoken to Jamarl (who was still in the office working and who has been planning his route to Stansted for 5.30am on Friday), I have promised to save a bit of the King for him to have a go at. 1st night session is bound to go horribly wrong so god only knows what the remaining time in the land of the Poles will have in store for us.

Any special requests for the Stag, please comment below and I'll do my best to comply.

Nice knowing you.

Black aka "The Instigator"

VIVA LE MONO

Dan Black — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 05:39:00 GMT

Incredible day for sights, firstly saw one of the lesser spotted Mono species just after lunch then on the last run of the day we found another, what a beauty. Thanks for arranging this Sloth, great work!

He asked me not to show his face for legal reasons.

10-4

...and there they were!

Dan Black — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 06:24:00 GMT

Wait a cotton pickin' minute, what's this I found on t'internet whilst looking for events happening this weekend?

Bob, have you become a skier? and how intense are your bumps? Has Jennai the blader put you up to it? And I'm not too sure about the change of surname to Barnes...I thought you were going for King!

In udder noos today we had a fine day of firsts:

First religious lecture on a lift from a born again dude... didn't delve any further into why he was born again as he had mad Jarmarl eyes and a handlebar moustache! Still I am now the proud owner of a leaflet defining "Salvation"
First chairlift discussion about the propogation of the spruce beetle that is killing the trees in Colorado, if you would like any further information I'll be pleased to elaborate
First taste of buffalo wings - and I didn't even know they had wings, perhaps mountain buffalo's require them?!?
First 180 landed by this Dan Black (BS-540 tomorrow)
First halfpipe action also (not superpipe though, that's tomorrow)

Oh and managed to extend lift pass to get a bit of the 10.5" of fresh stuff landing on Saturday night so got 3.5 hours of pow-pow on Sunday morning to finish this tour of duty - Get in!

Here he is...

Dan Black — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 09:20:00 GMT

Hi y'all, Dan Black here reporting in from Stateside. Had a farming start to the week with 20cm of fresh on day one with a further helping from Mr Dumpy on day two. I have never experienced powder like this, light fluffy champagne stuff everywhere. Needed to upgrade to the no.2 snorkel for the deep stuff in the bowls.

Highlights so far:

Day 1, 2 and some of 3 powder missions wherever you like.
Day three / four powder was becoming more difficult to find fresh tracks so off to the park for some jumps and spins

Clumsy skier whilst having lunch today, took nearly 5 mins and 2 helpers to untangle him:

(This dude was similar looking to PZ, "albite" clearly a schoolboy error PZ would not be party to)!!

Likes:

Awesome conditions
More dumpy on Saturday
Tree runs everywhere
Riding the big american schoolbus each day for resort transport
Wireless t'internet wherever you go

Dislikes:

"have a nice day"
Moguls - they love them over here!
"have a nice day"
lazy fat yanks - won't walk anywhere
No monoboarding - it's just not the same without Monsieur Mono

So that's all for now, have a nice day!

PS Sloth, I'm not sure you have managed to close out the bacon story yet, nice try though!!

PPS Windmills and Fart Tennis on tomorrow's itinerary

Black goes Farming in Val Thorens

Dan Black — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 23:17:00 GMT

Well yes, here it is upon us again - time for farming. Keeping it real with the Gnarlyboarders tradition of "getting an early one in" Dan Black and Cath Black have decided to send the scouts down to the French Alps to assess this season's potential.

With the trip booked for the week before Christmas and on the back of a disastrous season for European snow last year this was a gamble. But never shy of a challenge (see Dan Black's Challenge for proof) Dan Black was up for taking his ironing board with him to ride the dirt slopes if needs be. So how happy was I to check the forecast with reports of "one of the best starts to a season in Europe for decades" and "These last days it has snowed a lot in Val Thorens" with a little bit of "French resorts expect a metre of snow in the nex few days" - ohh happy days.

The only remaining concern is whether my trusty steed will be back from the blacksmiths in time having sustained numerous war wounds after following Jarmarl down a gully in Lesley last March.

Ok that's all from me, I'm off to farm out some terminal ferocity...with a bit of Show Offs thrown in for good measure. Standby for a slopeside update.

Dan Black

More wind than Fart Tennis!!!!

Dan Black — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:02:00 GMT

How happy was I this morning when my Whitelines dropped through the door courtesy of last year's subscription? get in!!

What's this about then?

http://video.mpora.com/watch/fmuEJzt2w/

The FEAR when it gets angry? Not what I would want on a trip to le montagnes.

Any thoughts Colonel?

Mr & Mrs Black take on Scotland

Dan Black — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 22:49:00 GMT

Mr and Mrs Black took on a week of sun and farming in Scotland (so not much sun but a gnarly time all the same). Fantastic scenery, golf at Gleneagles and plenty of farming on the Chevals.

Would definately recommend a trip to the land of the haggis for anyone that loves their MTBing. More pic's here
Farm on.

Black

Cowboy Billy

Dan Black — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 12:40:00 GMT

Just reading last month's MBR and found this:

"cowboy billy had a ten foot willy and showed it to the girl next door, she thought it was a snake so hit it with a rake and now it's only 5 foot 4"

brought back some fine childhood memories, anyone got anything to add? "we want boys, no girls aloud, kick them up the bum!"

Black

Ahh you shouldn't have Sloth...

Dan Black — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 23:06:00 GMT

So here was Dan Black arriving home from work just now (or was it Right now) no it was definately now now, and an airmail card is on the doorstep. Having received a birthday card already from Mumhead and CurlyTop I was excited to see who had remembered from udder parts of the world. I opened it and look what I got...

So thanks Sloth and Sarah Jaye, I'll take it as a nice sentiment and continue to laugh a good deal more at the excellent choice of card!!

KEEP IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dan Black's Challenge Part Deux

Dan Black — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 23:22:00 GMT

So then, Dan Black was filmed by an undercover reporter carrying out a bizarre ritual last weekend, needless to say alcohol was his wingman for the night!

Check this out:

[Go to the site to view embedded media]

Keep farming it out!

Clic 24 - feel the burn!

Dan Black — Mon, 14 May 2007 11:52:00 GMT

So then, who's idea was it to ride in a 24hour MTB team event? Wait till I find them...a good scrubbing with sandpaper around the ploughman's is what they'll get as that is what I am going through.

Saturday

Saturday begins with a 6.15am rise out of our nizza comfortable beds to prepare for the challenge that is Clic24. The King arirves at my place at 7.30am and we set off in the official tour bus (see RAC Danlater). A wander down the M5 past Bristol and we're there thanks to Thomas-Thomas and his navigation throught the city centre!

With tent erected, no thanks to the wind and rain, we all attended the safety briefing with plenty of talk about satallite phones and air ambulance, but no chance of a Heli-drop appparently! King volunteered to be the crash-test dummy as it suites his "straight in, no kissing" approach to riding. Waiting at the start line in some reasonable weather then with 2 minutes to go mr dumpy opened up his bowels and made a wet sh1t all over us! and that is how the event continued.

The course itself proved to be a cheeky little number with plenty of difficulty for a 10miler. Started with a steep road climb then onto short downhill bridleway section followed by 200m of Peat Bog. We all enjoyed the game of guess how deep this puddle is - felt like a round of that crazy Jap show Takeshi's Castle. This followed into a few ups and downs, 2 streams, mud and gloop galore then for the climb. Fireroad for the majority, then short steep bank when granny and her cog could just make and if we weren't feeling tired enough from carrying Alan all that way finish with 700m of more peat bog - love it. From the highest point a short descent and road ride back to the start.

Sunday

By 12.30am we had completed 12 laps all loving the night-rider action, (no sign of Devon or Kitt though) decided to get some kip and start afresh when the light picked up...and that is exactly what Dougal did. Up just before 5am, knocked out a quick 3 laps before 8.30 am leaving Black and King to bring home the glory and more to the point look like this:

Last memory of the day was RAC Dan Black to the rescue for udder teams broken car:

Anyone thinking of another one of these just give us a call, we'll tell you where you can go!

Keep it up Gnarlyboarders

More pic's here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dan_black/tags/clic24/